There are many things I carry in my day to day life: some
things physical, like a book, and others intangible, like a fear. A majority of
the things I carry are the ladder; I cannot see them, only feel them. The
things I can see are like a lifeline, for instance I must always have my phone-
I know so teenage girl of me. It’s not even that I use it all the time, I just
feel so naked without it especially if I don’t know where it is. Another very
important item is two ponytail holders on my right wrist- not the left because
that would be just wrong. Those two items I couldn’t be caught dead without.
The
more important things I carry are the intangible items: the fears, worries,
anxieties, relationships, and characteristics- these I cannot rid myself of. My
fears: getting fat. Simple as that- but really not so simple at all. I’ve
struggled with this since the 8th grade, and right now I’m winning.
I’ll never forget the times that I wouldn’t eat a piece of bread because I was
afraid of it. Obviously those times have passed and things are better, but that
voice in the back of my mind telling me to throw up the dessert I just ate won’t
ever shut up. This is what I carry.
The
relationships I have with those that I love never leave me either. My family and
friends are always with me even at the worst times. Past relationships and
experiences cause me to be the way I am, sometimes cautious, sometimes
gracious, sometimes turning the other cheek. Those who have passed away,
although not always on my mind, will pop up here and there reminding me to be
thankful for those that are around. These relationships I carry.
The
traits that make me who I am, I cannot set free. I am loud and hardworking like
my mom, but loving and honest like my dad. Although sometimes I hate to admit
it, I am my mother’s daughter- I swear we are exact clones. These are the
things I carry, no matter how much I want to set them down and leave them
forever. They are what make me Caroline.
